084.

I grow tired of the distance between the thing I should be doing and the thing that I am currently doing but not quite ready to let go off until the time has come where I have grown increasingly tired, and much time has been lost.

Even after the panicked realisation of learning that I had somehow missed a day of the full send, I spent a full day pushing the singular task that had become of high priority for the day. Through out the day, I found myself either doing this or that, and behind each this or that, was 2-3 hours of time that could not be shared with the activity of writing. The clock struck midnight, and I was still trying to find my words.

Perhaps there is a degree of mindlessness that is required to achieve success. Through each random task and activity that arose, my argument for why it was necessary to complete the random task far outweighed my argument to do thing that I supposedly wanted to do. Without the arguments, the monologue arguing for the path of minimal friction, perhaps that distance between the knowing and the doing would be reduced. Perhaps life could know efficiency.

Nonetheless, time was spent. Time borrowed from another day to avoid the activities of today. It’s unsustainable.

I imagine, the next option is to learn to associate the pains of the path of least resistance with the joys of staying the same.

Then again, I also imagine, if life were that simple, then there would be no fun in it.

There is so much that fills our worlds. So much that fills our lives. In that, everything can feel like it’s happening to us. At some point, you might notice that the only thing you can fully will into action is yourself. Then, you notice, not always. Not every time is as easy as the next. Though, every little effort helps.

I wonder if there has ever been a time when mankind has lived without the want of optimisation. I wonder if there was ever a time when if something worked, it worked until it didn’t, then the next would come along. There wasn’t a need for a system, or a deadline. When the sunlight was out, instead you would forage for berries or hunt some meat, then as the sun feel, you would find a place to rest and do it all again.

It’s fun to wonder about the people who existed before. I wonder to what detail a human ten thousand years away from now would be able to describe a day in my life, a day in this world.

These are thing that I may never know. These are the thoughts that fill the distance. These are the parts of life that are a side effect of life. These are the parts of life that call you to trust in the flow of life. Moments between moments. The moments that dare for calm, the moments that call for a slowing. And like everything else, these too shall pass. Time may be spent, but I would have done the thing I set out to do.

And there you have it. Dear reader, thank you for sticking along. I hope you follow along for the remaining 6 days. It feels so sudden to be here, but, goodness, how has so much time passed. Wow.